cemetery rules

I had a sexton from a local cemetery tell me they no longer will be allowing homemade markers placed on grave sites per the township board. I am very disappointed by this since some of the homemade markers are Linda's and my favorites.

They are concerned that they will not weather and wear well over time. Some of them I agree but go by individual bases and have them approved prior to placing it something!

What worried me is that he said other area cemeteries are also talking about doing this. Some stones I have seen are down right tacky, some show a bit of the personality, some help the builder heal by doing a last thing for the deceased. There are so many reasons right down to the high cost of markers. I want a homemade stone just to be different and show a little of who I am. A huge rock (not manufactured) with a plaque would be good.

I hope they reconsider, bend a little. Lighten up! I am attending the next township meeting so please wish me luck. Please let me know if any of you have come across this problem with small rural cemeteries or any for that matter. I want to have my facts straight and all my ducks in a row. My husband says he will go to bail me out. I am not sure why he would think I would need that. I just feel passionate that people should have the right to express themselves even in death.

Memorial Day

I feel I need to add a note as to my surprise at how many people I have talked to that do not know why we celebrate Memorial Day, why we changed the date or that we even did. I asked people from 83 years to 7. Most of the "young people" said it was a day off school and that school was almost over for the summer. I had a few people tell me it was a holiday to honor our military veterans. Heaven forbid when I mentioned it use to be called "Decoration Day".

Yes I know not everyone is interested in history and genealogy as we are but...We have this holiday every year! If a person is going to celebrate it they should at lest know what and why it is.

It started to honor the Union veterans of the Civil War on 30 May 1867. It originally was called Decoration Day as this was a day the family would visit the cemetery decorate the grave and often have a family picnic. The date was changed by the government for a 3 day weekend.

OK I am done with my rant but I was surprised maybe it is because we have had so many military people in our family. Maybe it is because Grandma took decorating the graves so seriously. But I also know that I would like to thank each and every veteran of all the wars that fought to give us the rights we have and for all they went through to give us the freedom we take for granted every day. I still stand up for the first flag in a parade place my hand on my heart and Thank God and our Veterans each and every one of them.

Try voicing what you think in a few other countries on your blog and see what happens...

Memorial Day

It seems on Memorial Day people seem to visit cemeteries they never go to or give a second thought to any other time.
I talked to a person this past week who said she only visits the cemetery once a year on Memorial Day and was complaining because her family members grave site had weeds growing around the stone and all the others around it were so neat. I asked her if she was from out of town thinking I could adopt the site when I did my families. She promptly spoke up and said "oh I just live down the road". I then kindly (I hope) told her that the sexton mows and cares for the cemeteries but often the families are the ones who cares for the stones and the weeds that grow next to them.
I wonder if she even gives it another thought until next year?

Broken Tombstones and How to Repair Them

I am always amazed how many broken stones you see in some of the cemeteries you visit. We are spoiled in Fremont they work hard at keeping them repaired in the city cemetery but some of the other surrounding areas are in sad condition. Between just plain old fashioned age, vandals, accidents, weather, etc. they have taken their toll.

I look at these broken stones and wonder how did they break? Can they be fixed? How?

I have been told that if the stones have some structural integrity they usually can be put back together. But warning it is not as easy as it sounds. The first thing you need to do is figure out what kind of stone it is made of. Putting metal bolts, drilling etc. is no longer advised. Duct tape will fix anything but not advised for grave stone repairs.

Many of the new epoxies work great some can be repaired with mortars to join broken fragments but this method often makes the stone look sloppy and unattractive since the mortar is usually thick and mats.

My husband’s family bought an old train depot several years ago and found an old broken tombstone underneath it. My Mother in Law has spent many years researching the woman it was for and her children. She has always wanted to repair it and set it on her grave site. The story of the broken tombstone has been told at Cemetery Walks and different events in Newaygo County. Now it is time to help her get it repaired. So our summer project is to learn all we can on this subject and get it done. Wish us luck. She has written a story about Sarah Utley the lady it was for. At a future date I will add it for your reading pleasure.

Why do we do the things we do?

So many of us have traditions that we do over and over and have no clue as to why. I have always put a stone on top of grave sites when I leave them with a short prayer why? I was told this was a Jewish tradition but I am not Jewish. My Grandmother how ever worked for a Jewish family in Detroit when she was in nursing school. Did she pick this up and pass it on to me? Maybe it is just because I have a thing about stones and rocks and love them. We actually asked our guest to bring us rocks as gifts for wedding gifts for our garden when we got married, so I do have a rock thing.

While watching the new show on television "Who Do You Think You Are" I noticed Lisa Krudow
very quietly do a silent prayer and place a stone on a memorial. And I started wondering where did this tradition start and what was the reasons behind it.

Here is some of what I found out.

The Jewish faith tells us that by leaving a pebble is in a way the erection of a small, new monument-a tomb- stone to honor the memory of the dead. So in a sense it is a way of saying; Here lie the remains of someone worth remembering. It is a way of showing that someone did come and remember.

It also is a symbol saying that the love and memory are still strong and as enduring as the rock.
Some people suggest it is a simple counter telling how many people had visited the burial sight leaving a prayer. A sign of respect.

The Internet is full of reasons and speculations going back to Medieval Tales when graves were thought to contain some remainder of the soul left by the departed. The belief goes by leaving stones they were creating a barrier to prevent the soul from leaving and haunting the living.

So regardless of who started the tradition or why I continue to do so as a sign of respect and love of the deceased and tradition, regardless if I understand why or not.

Sandy is back!

Monday was my first day back to work so this has been a long week! But it is good to be back. I do enjoy my job and the people. I was feeling rather isolated at home.
My husband took me for many little drives to get me out of the house and we managed to drive through or past a few cemeteries. One thing I noticed was how many have Spring flowers that come up where some one had planted bulbs. I planted bulbs a few years ago on Grandma and Grandpas grave site. But never noticed the amount of them until now. I did it because I always worry that one day I won't be able to get there with Spring flowers and bulbs will come up on their own. Must be others have thought of this also. It is nice to know even if someday I can't get there the graves will have a bright sunny blanket of blooms to welcome Spring.

What is This World Coming Too?

I had an interesting discussion the other day at an all day gathering of my Spinning Guild. (Spinning as in yarn, not exercise.)
Inspired by a disturbing local news story of a missing child that apparently died and was dumped into a trash bin and possibly incinerated, we got on the the theme of cremation and cemeteries. I started paying more attention to the topic and slightly less to my yarn.
One friend mentioned that she had told her family to "toast her and toss her", feeling that there is no reason to have a place dedicated to her remains when she wasn't going to really be there.
I can understand the line of thinking, so many of the up and coming generation cannot be bothered with planting flowers (hence the silk and plastic now found in cemeteries.) I only have one son, out o9f two, who probably knows where HIS grandparents lie, but beyond that, his eyes glaze over when I mention other locations. It does bother me when I hear that gramps is sitting in a mason jar in the garage, because no one knows what to do with him. At least we have a plot, that my Hubby's parents bought, so I know where I will be planted.
So my question that after mulling over our discussion Saturday is this. Why, if people do not want a grave, a place to decorate and to remember and honor a deceased loved one.... Why oh why do they persist in making memorials along the sides of roads where someone died? Let's make a traffic hazard, by causing gawkers where so-and-so died. They get weather beaten, bedraggled and look a mess. (Plus I see future genealogists pulling their hair out, trying to figure out where these ancestors are.)
Are these mourners just too cheap to pay for a cemetery plot? Let's have a memorial to Joe Blow in a muddy ditch. It just makes no sense to me. Maybe I'm being too hard on them, but it does drive me crazy.
I have given my family explicit orders that if I ever die in a car accident, NOT to put a cross by the road.
If they do, I promise to haunt them.